I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
