I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
