I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
