Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
