i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
