I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
