I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
