im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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