And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
