My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
