Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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