my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
