you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
