i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
