i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
