Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need a beard to bite.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
