when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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