someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
