i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
