New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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