he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
