To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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