dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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