I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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