we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
