Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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