Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
