his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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