I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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