Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
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I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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