The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
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Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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