No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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