Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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