good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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