I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
