what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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