I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
