i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
