Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
