Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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