Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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