Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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