Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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