I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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