At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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