Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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