You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
