white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
