After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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