no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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