I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
