If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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