can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
