It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
