Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
