I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
