he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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