I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
