You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
