If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
