Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
