Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
