It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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