like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
