dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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