just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
