After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
