somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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