My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
