He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
