wanna go halves on a baby?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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