I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
