I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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