i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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