Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
